I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
