And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
