So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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