He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
