I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
