hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My feet surprised me
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