Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
