I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
