On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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