# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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