Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
