I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
