I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
