It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO