I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.