She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
Come see our sink grown plant.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.