Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.