we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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