I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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