I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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