in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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