I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
