So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
