the condom got lost in my hair
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
