Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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