I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
