Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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