Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
