Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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