just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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