i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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