i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
