You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
