Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
