Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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