That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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