i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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