my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
