i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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