i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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