all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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