Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
