Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
