I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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