i don't like sucking hair
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
