I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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