I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
