Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.