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• (949): View more from California

  Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.

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• (925): View more from California

  It smells like ranch

  (925): View more from California

  Must be all the white people

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• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  Ok let me change into clothes i can run in

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.

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• (619): View more from California

  You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch

  (1-619): View more from California

  Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.

  (619): View more from California

  Love you...

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.

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• (718): View more from New York

  I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum

  (424): View more from California

  please don't

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.

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