Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
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make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?