he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail