If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone