I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.