So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml