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i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
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