Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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