I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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