everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
