MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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