i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
