It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
