I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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