one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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