I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize