Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
