I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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