Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
