You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
either way he was missing a nipple.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
