You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize