1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
