the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
