My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
