I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
