Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this boner is exhausting
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
