Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
