well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
These tits shall not be calmed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
