and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
