Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
